7 Reasons Why Jesus Was A Pimp, Not A Simp
Generally speaking, Jesus was/is still the greatest man to walk the earth. The man had abilities that most men can only dream of. He spoke to the winds, defied gravity, raised the dead back to life, multiplied food to feed a crowd of 5000 people. And if that isn't enough to impress you, the man went on to willingly die for your sins. None of these is to be taken literally because the Bible speaks figuratively. But we are going to take the story of this man -Jesus at face value in order to make our case: Why Jesus was a pimp, not a simp.
By Benson Kirobi
To begin with, the man's cup of personality was overflowing with Charisma. Since his birth, which was immaculate, he was the most watched out for person on the planet. The prophets spoke about him and people counted on him to deliver them from sin. Do you really think such a man, with all that celebrity status was a simp? It is obvious that when he way young, he had girls going crazy and women going loko when he came of age. The word is Charisma. And this man had a heaven's share of it. Women can't help but love a man who holds life-sized status. Look at how women gravitate towards celebrities today. Do you think Jesus had it any different? Of course they flocked to him like sheep follow a shepherd.
The Messiah had super natural abilities. You know how the story goes. The first miracle he pulled off in public was turning water into wine. Clearly, he was the Life (and the way) of the party. To put this into perspective, he was the guy that every party needs. The guy who uplifts the spirits of the party goers and brings positive vibes to center stage. Again, women will salivate for a man capable of turning a mundane event into an end-of-the-world-like party. Only Pimps, not simps, can do this.
"Clearly, he was the Life (and the way) of the party. To put this into perspective, he was the guy that every party needs. The guy who uplifts the spirits of the party goers and brings positive vibes to center stage."
Plenty of women are associated with Christ. And we are going to name names. Mary Magdaline, the sex worker who washed his feet with her hair while asking for atonement, and the 'slut' one rescued from an angry mob. The Bible, does not talk about this for fear of losing credibility, but the man had his way with women. They bowed to him and washed his feet. Simps don’t even come close to get this kind of respect and treatment from women. But a pimp will. Eeasy peasy.
And what about followers? The man started a social movement, like literally. They were called disciples at the time but in present day terms, they can be called committed groupies. If social media existed then, he would have had millions of followers! Think about it, this man, Jesus had other grown-ass men leave their lives and follow him to the depths of the earth. Do you know how hard it is to have a group of men follow you around wherever you go? It's damn difficult unless you have them on a payroll inclusive of travelling allowances. Jesus was the man other men wanted to be. Women usually want men that other women want. To drive the point home, Women also, quite naturally, want to be with men that other men want to be.
The son of God didn’t have any fucks to give. He talked his shit, spoke his truth and ignored public opinion. At one time he chose violence and stormed a temple where traders were conducting business. He went directly against the powers that were. He was unbothered by the Pharisees aka the opps, who were practically sending death threats his way from the jump. Through the eyes of today, JC was a real bad boy who the people loved. And by people I mean women. His lack of regard for public opinion must have made women want him like crazy. Whats one character trait that all Pimps possess? They don’t give a shit or any fucks about what anyone has to say about them.
The son of God was on a mission and we are all familiar with it: to save humanity from sin. One thing we can all attest to is that he was overly committed to his life's purpose. A man on a mission aint nothing to play with. He will stop at nothing to achieve his ends. His calling meant that he had to possess the balls to go against the grain, ignore authority, step on a lot of toes and ruffle a bunch of feathers. He was a man and half, man! He focused on himself until the focus was on him. And every woman in Nazareth, Bethlehem, Galilee and Jerusalem knew of the man, they myth by the name Jesus. Nothing is more attractive to a woman than a man who is onto something in Life. Women can practically smell and tell if you have are on a Life mission or not. And boy , did they smell the mission out of Jesus! From a Pimp's perspective, Jesus was really about his business and had his eyes on the prize. All pimps have this quality. Simps, in contrast, lack a life mission and if they do have one, they lack the focus and commitment required to accomplish it.
The point here is, Jesus Christ was an epitome of Masculinity. A Don Juan and a Chad who was a man of the people and most importantly, a man who had his way with women.
